FAKE: New Eucharistic Miracle Confirmed!

Bloody Host confirmed to be the Flesh of Christ

DISCLAIMER: THIS STORY IS FAKE.

Earlier this month, a team of scientists from the United Nations, NASA, and even the American CIA released a report stating definitively that a miracle occurred and that "the Eucharist is undoubtedly the flesh and blood of Christ." The team was led by Dr. Edoardo Batizte and Dr. Rebeka Machowitce, both of the University of Strausburg. They were commissioned by the Vatican to examine a bloody host which made the news circuit in Germany in late 2016.

After Ms. Roberta Rodriguez recieved communion on December 8th, at St. Camillus parish in Svordinka, Germany, she accidentally coughed up the host and it fell to the floor. Out of concern and reverence for the host, She brought this to the attention of the local priest, Fr. Guttheim. Both immediately noticed that the host was quite bloody in the middle. Suspecting the blood belonged to Ms. Rodriguez, but not wishing to defile what could be a genuine Eucharistic miracle, Fr. Guttheim placed the host in a ciborium and phoned the local bishop.

Tests were then done by numerous local scientists who confirmed via DNA testing that the blood was not the blood of Ms. Rodriguez. As well, it was confirmed that the blood was of the type AB, which is the same blood type found in every other Eucharistic miracle. Before being recognized officially by the Vatican, however, it was determined that a team of secular atheistic scientists from the UN and United States should examine the supposed miracle. Their findings were astonishing:

Firstly, the flesh is legitimate heart muscle from the interior chamber of the heart. Not only this, but the heart muscle is living. In other words, when a stethoscope was placed over the host, a heart beat was discerned. As well, under the microscope, one could see the muscle fibers contracting and relaxing as a real human heart would. In further tests, the host was hooked to a circulatory apparatus and found to be able to pump blood on it's own throughout a system roughly the size of a 2,000 year old Middle Eastern man.

As well, the DNA was examined, and it was shown clearly that this man had no paternal DNA strands, a completely unique phenomenon. AS well, DNA from the host was compared with blood from the shroud of Turin and found to be an exact match. It is said that upon receiving the report, Dr. Edoardo fell to his knees and said, echoing the words of the Roman soldier who pierced Christ's side, "Truly this is the Son of God." He has since begun the process of officially becoming a Roman Catholic. His entire team from NASA and the UN and the American CIA followed suit, and have been disowned by their respective organizations.